Emotional dysregulation occurs when you find it difficult to manage the intensity and length of your emotions. This can cause dramatic changes in mood, impulsive reactions, difficulty calming down, and increased sensitivity to certain situations.
Laura Greenwood, psychotherapist, Laura Greenwood Therapy, Holmfirth, UK, explains that emotional regulation involves fully experiencing, accepting and tolerating your emotions, allowing them to communicate what they need to tell us.
“The opposite of regulation – dysregulation – means feeling like our emotions are taking over us,” she says. “We have no control over our emotional experience, and it feels like we are reacting to our emotional experience unconsciously, rather than consciously choosing our reactions.”
Greenwood points out that struggling to control your emotions doesn’t mean you should suppress or avoid them. Emotional regulation is about managing your emotions in a healthy, constructive way.
Laura Greenwood, Accredited Psychotherapist
Although emotional dysregulation is not specifically associated with ADHD, people with ADHD are more likely to experience challenges regulating their emotions.
Greenwood describes emotional dysregulation as an ongoing learning journey that evolves with every stage of life. She emphasizes that it is important for everyone to make daily efforts to manage their emotions.
However, emotional dysregulation may be more pronounced in people with neurodiverse conditions such as ADHD.
greenwood They say: “There are some people who struggle more with emotional dysregulation. For example, neurodiverse people feel their emotions more intensely and therefore find that they can become dysregulated more easily.”
In addition to neurodiversity, several other factors may increase the likelihood of emotional dysregulation. Greenwood outlines some of the most common causes.
suppress your emotions
Pushing your emotions away or not allowing yourself to feel can contribute to emotional dysregulation.
“Anger is a good example,” says Greenwood. “So many people think that anger is a ‘bad’ emotion. The truth is that there are no good or bad emotions – just emotions. The more we try not to feel our emotions, the more powerful or dysregulated those emotions become.”
effect of stress
The stress of daily life – especially when it becomes too much, combined with a lack of support – can substantially increase the likelihood of emotional dysregulation.
Greenwood explains that this can happen when you are surrounded by excessive responsibilities and many demands from different areas and people in your life.
“A great example is balancing the competing demands of being employed and running a household as well as caring for dependents,” she says.
shocks of life
Experiencing trauma and its after-effects is another reason you may find it difficult to manage your emotions.
“If you’ve suffered any, or multiple, traumatic experiences in your life, it reduces your mental and emotional ability to cope with the stresses of daily life,” says Greenwood. “As a result, emotional dysregulation can become more than a routine conflict.”
physical causes
Our body can often affect our emotional tolerance levels, making it easier for us to spiral out of control.
Greenwood says that during certain parts of your menstrual cycle, your energy levels are lower, and therefore you have less energy to give to your life.
“Once that energy runs out, you still need to keep going, so this can lead to dysregulation,” she explains. “At other times in your cycle, you may find feelings of anger and frustration more common. You may find it harder to choose your responses to situations and become more reactive, causing you to feel more disorganized.”
Greenwood says that if you are physically unwell or have recently recovered from a physical illness, your immune system may be weakened. This also increases your risk of emotional disturbance.
The ‘window of tolerance’ model helps us understand when we are under-regulated or in a state of over-arousal or under-arousal.
Greenwood explains that when you’re in your window of tolerance, you’re emotionally regulated. When you are out of it, you become emotionally uncontrolled.
She says: “If you are uncontrolled you may have more ‘extreme’ emotional experiences – such as being overwhelmed, anger, anxiety.
“If you’re ‘hypo’ emotional, you may be feeling sad, depressed, numb, isolated.”
Greenwood says that after a period of over-arousal, you may fall into a state of hypo-arousal as your body tries to conserve energy after a particular emotional experience.
The most effective ways to regulate your emotions vary from person to person. However, there are things you can try to help prevent irregular regulation.
Greenwood explains that your needs will depend on what you need at that specific moment.
She says: “Clarity comes from increased self-awareness, curiosity, and acceptance of your feelings. As you become more accepting and self-aware of your inner world, you’ll better understand your needs.”
Greenwood says this understanding will help you act in line with your emotions as well as learn what helps keep them in control.
explore your feelings
Often, we experience emotions for a reason. Allowing ourselves to feel them without judgment can be a valuable experience, and it does not mean that we will lose control.
Greenwood recommends cultivating emotional curiosity as a first step toward regulation.
She says: “Recognize that there are no good or bad emotions. They all exist to tell us something about what is happening around us, or what we need in that moment.”
Once you accept your emotions and allow yourself to feel them, you are better able to understand them and how to respond to them.
release trapped energy
Anger and anxiety can create a feeling of trapped energy. Movement, in whatever form feels good, can help to release and shift these emotions.
Greenwood suggests: “It could be something simple – such as a walk, run, yoga class or a more intense exercise session. Whatever type of activity you choose, it should match your needs.
“For example, sometimes, you recognize that you need to get your heart rate up and get your energy out. Other times, you feel so tired that it feels appropriate to move more slowly.”
She explains that if you match what you need – whether you choose a slower or more intense pace – you’ll notice an improvement in your energy levels, as you’ll become more regulated.
“You’ll find yourself feeling clearer in the mind and more grounded,” says Greenwood.
ground yourself
Any activity that grounds you and connects you to the present moment is important in helping you regulate emotions.
Greenwood says these may include:
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nature walk – Connecting with your 5 senses of sight, sound, smell, taste and touch.
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a breathing exercise – It helps you connect with something that you always carry with you.
“It’s important to recognize that regulation can be incredibly personal,” she explains. “What feels grounding and nourishing to you may feel like hammering nails into a blackboard to someone else.
“The key is to know yourself, what leads you to regulation, and what brings you back to a place of peace, clarity, and self-connection.”
Identify your triggers
In some cases, controlling your emotions requires deep thinking and involves some trial and error.
Greenwood says this can be challenging, and may even create more intense emotions before they get better.
“An example might be regularly feeling anxious or angry in someone’s presence,” she describes. “This may be a prompt to consider what it is about these interactions and this connection that is triggering you, and how best to manage it.”
Greenwood recommends setting boundaries with the person or ending your relationship with them entirely. Although she admits it’s easier said than done, the more you practice setting boundaries, the more emotionally in control you’ll feel over time.
“If doing it alone seems too challenging, you can always make these changes with the help of a therapist,” she suggests.
There are several options available for the management of emotional dysregulation, one of which is psychotherapy.
Greenwood recommends cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which looks at how your thoughts and behaviors affect your emotional experience and regulation. She also suggests compassion-focused therapy (CFT) to help nurture your calming system, which supports the regulation of overwhelming emotions like anxiety.
“Also, if trauma or a past life experience is causing distortion in the here and now, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can be a transformative treatment,” says Greenwood. “CBT, counseling and often EMDR are available for free on the NHS Primary Care Talking Therapy Services“
She explains that many of these services have waiting lists, which is why some people opt for private treatment.
Greenwood recommends the following websites as helpful resources for finding tips on emotional regulation:
