I went from a size 16 to a size eight by swapping wine for weight training

When I think about my life in 2017, I don’t even recognize the person I was then. My partner, Tom*, left me 42 days after I gave birth to my baby girl Zuri and just hours after we registered her birth, but things had been rocky between us for years.

When we were at the registry office, I insisted that we give our baby the double-barreled nickname, “in case anything goes wrong between us”. As soon as I said these words, Tom created such a fuss that that very afternoon he decided to end our eight-year relationship.

I felt completely lost. I knew he had a history of molesting women who had children with him – he already had two other children from two different women – but I never thought he’d do the same to me. I was stunned.

struggling with postpartum depression

After Tom left, Mary postpartum depression Spiral. I was 34 and felt like a rabbit in the headlights. My hormones were all over the place and I was afraid of the darkness within me.

Sometimes Zuri would barely sleep for 48 hours and I would be so tired that I would start having hallucinations. I remember walking down a country lane and telling my father that I could see walls around me, but in fact there was nothing there. I was terrified thinking: “I’m really losing the plot here.”

I always felt uncomfortable in my skin – I was never really happy with myself or my body. As a teenager, my relationship with food was unhealthy, sometimes I would starve myself and suffer from anorexia, then go to the other extreme and eat a lot of cheese, cream and sugar. I had low self-esteem and started associating with unpleasant characters.

At one time, when I was about 18, I was hospitalized for depression. I was put on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications, but I didn’t like them at all and I felt very bad. This meant that when my GP offered me medication for my postnatal depression, I refused to take it.

drinking too much alcohol

During my eight-year relationship with Tom I led an unhealthy lifestyle, often drinking too much. On “Thirsty Thursdays”, Tom and I would drink excessively, sometimes having seven or eight drinks each, including cocktails, shots and large glasses of wine.

In school, I excelled in sports. I played hockey and netball competitively and my PE teacher asked me to swim for the county. But as an adult I was all or nothing, occasionally going on a 60-mile bike ride, then spending several weeks doing nothing. Exercise. I had no regular routine or structure.

In my 20s, I moved towards a hedonistic lifestyle, going to nightclubs and eventually looking thin and emaciated. I would lean on diet cola and wonder if an apple was enough for lunch. I was a size eight and weighed only seven, but was obsessed with getting up to a size six.

I was always susceptible to depression, which caused me to choose unsuitable men. Then, after Tom left me, I turned to comfort food and alcohol again to deal with a kind of unhealthy problem. Having already lost most of my baby weight, I started eating more, so my weight soon gained back up.

moving back with my parents

A few weeks after the split, I was in such a situation that I came back to my parents, staying for almost three years as I tried to recover and rebuild my life as a single mother. I had isolated myself from most of my friends and felt very alone in the world.

For the next two years, I ate fast food and relied on fried chicken and food delivery services. I felt terrible – constantly lethargic and lethargic – and looked terrible, my face bloated from the alcohol I was drinking to be alone with a newborn.

Once Zuri went to bed, it was time for wine. Eventually I’ll let myself relax by having a few glasses of red or white wine each night. Then I would often finish the entire bottle. My weight gradually reached 13st.

To make matters worse, Zuri was a sick child, and we were in and out of hospitals and ambulances for a year because she was having a hard time getting anything to eat. I was trying to keep my life together, becoming the face of my own PR business, but really it was a year of complete terror, just trying to survive. I became a shadow of my former self.

a wake up call

One day, in December 2019, I went dress shopping for a special Christmas event. I had long ago stopped caring about how I looked, so I was still wearing maternity leggings. Whereas I once wore body-covering dresses, I was now wearing sacks to hide my figure. As I looked at the clothes rail, I suddenly realized that I was much larger than I was before – for the first time I was a size 16 and, at 5 feet 6 inches, it was not at all appropriate for my small body.

I continued to live with my parents because I felt I needed their love and support, but when the lockdown began in March 2020, Zuri and I eventually moved into a rented flat. We were all feeling worried about COVID and wanted to keep our parents safe from any infections that Zuri or I might bring home with us.

Although I was still struggling. About 18 months after I moved out, when I was 36 and my little girl was two, a lovely local mum from my daughter’s nursery noticed how sad I looked when I went to drop her off. Concerned about me, this complete stranger came up to me and asked: “Are you okay?”

I said something half-hearted in reply, but she said: “I have a gym down the street, mainly for women. Would you like to come and try it?” Those words changed my entire life.

first steps

I went to Laura’s gym called Fit and Food in Chiswick, west London, that weekend and at first I couldn’t even do a press-up. On my first visit, I joined a class called Saturday Sweat Session. I looked at all the super-fit people and thought: “Oh my God, I don’t belong here!” But that first class also gave me a boost – I felt lighter and more positive.

Laura soon took me under her wing. He raised me, coached me in my fitness journey and is now one of my best friends. I am forever grateful. As a certified personal trainer specializing in Prenatal and Postpartum FitnessShe knew how to help me and in December 2021, I got a full gym membership.

After that, I threw myself into training, mainly because I wanted to feel better, instead of losing a lot of weight. Everyone was very welcoming.

From that moment on, my life completely changed. When I first went to the gym I felt very shy, but I soon began to feel a huge sense of relief just by showing up and taking the first step.

At first, I would go once or twice a week, then stop for a couple of weeks before the girls gently coaxed me back. Then I started going to classes or 45-minute personal training sessions every day and if I didn’t go, I would really miss it.

I started by doing half press-ups on my knees, as well as bicep curls and squats with very light dumbbells of less than 3 kg. But within a year, I was lifting heavy weights on barbells, able to deadlifts“Barbell cleans” (a typical Olympic lifting technique), unassisted pull-ups and chin-ups.

finding the right routine

Eighteen months ago, I started intensifying my workouts and now I have become so addicted to the gym that I even participate in athletic competitions. Now I exercise two hours a day, with only one rest day a week when I go for a walk or get a massage.

I like the challenge and the camaraderie. I’m training with renowned elite athlete coach Joe Bingham – something I never imagined.

I’ve found the perfect combination of running and weight training. I run 40-50km per week, spread over five or six days, including fast track races and two or three long runs of 15-30km. I’ve gone from 13st to 10st, but that figure is misleading because I’ve gained muscle, which outweighs fat.

I also recently met someone new and am really happy with our relationship. my pr business, we are lucyIs thriving, and exercise continues to be a big part of my life. I couldn’t be happier.

*name has been changed

As told to Emma Elms

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