“An appropriate adult communicates clearly and assertively.
This is something I have heard many people say.
By that definition, I would not be classified as a proper adult for most of my life.
There was a time when I couldn’t even ask anyone for a glass of water. I know this may seem crazy to some people, and for a long time I felt crazy about it.
Why couldn’t I do things that others do without thinking? Why couldn’t I say what I needed to say? Why couldn’t I be normal?
Those questions would trap me in a cycle of shame at that time in my life.
But the question I should have asked myself was not how I could recover from being so damaged and flawed, but rather what meaning my struggles had given me based on the way I was raised.
Because based on that, I was perfect, and my behavior was perfect.
I was that kid who was taught to be seen and not heard.
I was that kid whose emotions made others angry and violent.
I was that girl whose anger led to her being embarrassed and rejected by the person she needed most.
I was the child who was hit repeatedly until she cried no more.
I was the child whose needs caused inconvenience to those in charge of her care.
I was that kid whose desires were labeled selfish, attention-seeking, or ridiculous.
I was that child who was judged for everything she felt, wanted or needed.
I was the girl who was called a monster since she was a child.
I was that kid who grew up feeling unwanted, alone, and completely disgusting.
So why would that child ever speak? Why would that girl ever share anything about herself? she will‘t, is he? it all makes sense. I understood. It was a way of life. A way to survive.
I was taught that I didn’t matter. What I wanted or needed and what I felt was so disgusting that it was necessary to hide it at any cost. And I did it to avoid being hurt, embarrassed, and rejected. Even when I was with different people. Even when I was an adult.
That pattern ran my life. I couldn’t tell myself the things I wanted and needed to say. It felt very scary. It felt very dangerous. It was very embarrassing.
So if you have difficulty expressing yourself and feel embarrassed about it, I understand. I did it too. But I want you to know this: It’s not your fault. It was never your fault.
And yes, life is hard when you can’t be who you were growing up. When the only way you could keep yourself safe was to value yourself less. When you were never able to grow into yourself because it would hurt you. When you couldn’t learn to love yourself because that was the biggest risk.
But today, that risk remains only within you. In your conditioning. And That‘This is where internal healing comes into play.
For me, this meant getting professional help to help me learn how to safely connect with myself and my truth, and how to let go of the critical, demanding, and abusive inner voice that told me my feelings, needs, and desires were wrong.
This meant learning to control my nervous system so I could overcome my fears and be honest about what worked for me and what didn’t. This was a huge turning point in my relationships because I started to present myself more openly and assertively, which meant that my relationships either improved dramatically or I discovered that other people didn’t really care about me and how I felt.
It also means opening up emotionally and learning to understand what my emotions were trying to tell me. Because I had learned to avoid and suppress my emotions growing up, I knew it would be challenging to truly know myself.
I had the great opportunity to nurture myself – to give myself the love, affection and attention I did not receive as a child.
And that’s what finally allowed me to feel safe enough to express myself.
The relationship I had with myself began to feel like a safe haven rather than a battlefield, and my life has never been the same since.
Everything outside began to align with what was going on inside me. The more secure I became with myself, the more secure the people in my life became, which allowed us to develop deeper, more meaningful, and closer relationships.
So I know that kind of change is possible. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. I know it’s possible because today I am the most authentic and expressed version of myself I have ever been.
Consider what I am sharing with you here. Asking for a glass of water is a step too far.
Today I don’t get hung up on the words I was always told to speak. I tell them.
Today I am not able to control my emotions. I feel them. I share them. at liberty.
Today I no longer deny my needs and underestimate my desires. I am their owner. I meet him. I complete them.
Today I own what I am, and I don’t hold back by toxic shame the way I once did.
At that time I never thought that this would be possible for me.
I hope that in sharing my story and my transformation you will follow the spark of desire within you that wants you to express yourself. To share your thoughts and wishes. what to express it‘I like being yours. To finally get the chance to meet more of you and eventually all of you.
This is what you need to hear. No voice of fear or shame. Not your conditioning. Don’t do anything or anyone that reinforces your hesitations or traumas.
You were born to be fully expressed. That was your birthright. He is a gift to the world.
Just because the people who raised you didn’t understand you for the unique miracle that you are, doesn’t mean you have to deprive the world and yourself of experiencing you. more of you. You all.
It’s never too late to open your heart and share yourself in ways that make you feel healing, liberated, empowered, and loved.
About Marlena Tilhon
Marlena is a highly experienced psychotherapist and success coach who specializes in healing internal trauma and breaking unhealthy patterns that prevent her ambitious clients from achieving the success they know they can achieve in their lives, relationships, and careers. you can find it here Instagram Or Facebook And get free training and gifts on it website.
