When it comes to regular, consistent exercise, I’m firmly on ‘Team Good Intentions’ – enthusiastic at first, but not always successful when it comes to sticking to a fitness routine. If you’re like me, you’ve probably felt inspired to start a new workout plan, only to give up when the novelty wore off and repetition set in.
Mark Wahrmeyer is a UKCP-registered psychotherapist at Brighton and Hove Psychotherapy, UK. I asked him why some people have difficulty maintaining a regular exercise routine, and what’s happening in our brains that can make us feel highly motivated one moment and completely demotivated the next.
Warhmeyer explains that the problem with repetitive, single workouts is that they make your brain work hard without giving you much in the way of immediate reward.
“For example, a treadmill can make you acutely aware of time, discomfort, boredom, and physical tension,” he says. “The mind has little to attach itself to beyond the fact that it is working hard.
“Motivation is rarely sustained by willpower alone. Willpower is useful in the beginning, but it is a poor long-term strategy because it requires sustained mental effort.”
Wahrmeyer says that when exercise begins to feel repetitive and disconnected from enjoyment, purpose, or especially social connection, your brain begins to view it as a daily chore. From a psychological perspective, we are more likely to remain engaged with an activity when it provides a mix of entertainment, a sense of progress, social interaction, and emotional reward.
He added, “Without those elements, exercise can become something we have to force ourselves to do.”
mark wahrmeyer
When the World Cup starts, people around the world are immersed in the camaraderie, social connection and excitement of seeing how far their country can go. There is something powerful about sharing in a collective goal and feeling part of a broader community.
But beyond the fun and fanfare, it’s worth remembering that what we’re essentially watching is other people’s exercise. If getting yourself off the couch sounds a lot less appealing than watching elite athletes perform, what lessons can we take from the psychology of sports fans that might help us move forward, too?
Warhmeyer says playing soccer produces a completely different psychological experience than a more monotonous activity, such as running on a treadmill.
“Your body can still work hard, but your brain isn’t just thinking, ‘I’m exercising,’ he explains. “It’s thinking, ‘Can I reach the ball?’ ‘Can I make a pass?’ ‘Can I improve this skill?’ or ‘Can I help the team?’”
“When effort is organized around play, skill, purpose, and connection with others, fatigue becomes part of the game rather than the central experience. In psychotherapy, we know that people can tolerate discomfort and stress better when it is associated with meaning. The same applies to exercise.”
Soccer also brings a sense of spontaneity, making it far from a predictable or repetitive activity. Warhmeyer describes it as rich with emotional experiences – anticipation, reaction, frustration, excitement and happiness – all of which are deeply engaging states for the brain.
He says: “They help you forget, at least temporarily, the self-conscious monitoring that often accompanies exercise, like ‘Am I fit enough?’ ‘Do I look stupid?’ ‘how much time left?’
“In this sense, soccer allows effort to be metabolized through play. The individual is still exercising, but they are not imprisoned by the awareness of exercise. And soccer invests the exercise in a larger purpose – of being part of a team.”
Process Goals vs. Result Goals: Which Works Best?
Outcome-based goals focus on achieving a specific end result, such as burning a set number of calories or reaching a particular fitness goal. Process-based goals, on the other hand, focus on the actions and behaviors that get you there – keeping both your body and mind engaged in the activity rather than just the end result.
If you’re struggling with the repetitive nature of standard gym workouts, a shift from a results-based mindset to a process-based mindset may be the key to regular exercise when trying to build a healthy amount of physical activity into your daily routine.
Warhmeyer says that while outcome-based goals may have their place, they can also trap you in a cycle of self-judgment — questioning whether you’ve lost enough weight, burned enough calories, or improved your fitness fast enough.
“This can make exercise feel like a test that you’re always at risk of failing,” he says. “Process-based goals are psychologically kinder and often more effective.”
Psychologists explain that actions like completing an exercise routine, commuting twice a week, or practicing passing for 20 minutes trains your mind about something more concrete and achievable, making the task feel immediate rather than abstract.
“This is important because big goals often create anxiety,” says Wahrmeyer. “The more distant and idealized the goal, the easier it is to feel defeated before properly starting.
“Process goals bring you back to the present. They encourage continuity, and continuity ultimately leads to change. In psychological terms, you move from self-criticism to engagement. You’re no longer asking, ‘Am I still good enough?’ You’re asking, ‘What’s the next manageable thing I can do?'”
Starting a new exercise plan, even when you really want to get fit, can sometimes feel like it’s out of sync with what you’re realistically capable of sticking to. Your body may find the change difficult, and your mind may strengthen that resistance, which often causes anxiety – especially if you start to feel like you’ve failed because moving forward feels difficult at first.
As Wahrmeyer points out, barriers to exercise aren’t always physical. It may evoke feelings of shame, fear or criticism, memories of school sports, concerns about one’s body, and a sense of belonging.
For some people, going to the gym or attending a football session feels like exposing. They’re not just starting to exercise — they’re bracing themselves for feeling inadequate.
“This is why telling people to ‘just get on with it’ isn’t always helpful,” he says. “Resistance often makes sense. It may protect the person from embarrassment, shame, disappointment, or the chronic feeling of being the last one picked.
“The trick is to take the first steps small enough that it doesn’t overwhelm your nervous system. Don’t start with an imaginary version of yourself who trains five times a week. Start with the real person you are now. This could mean walking onto a pitch, doing ten minutes, joining a beginners’ session, or practicing alone before joining in with others.”
Warhmeyer explains that the first mental hurdle isn’t about changing yourself — it’s about being comfortable. Once a new activity feels familiar, it stops feeling scary.
How to take a gradual approach to fitness
When you’re starting out on a new lifestyle goal, it helps to take things in small, manageable steps rather than trying to do everything at once. This makes it easier to change up your routine, making you less likely to feel overwhelmed and give up before you can really get going.
Warhmeyer says it’s more effective to think in stages than attempt dramatic reconstruction. Most people fail not because they lack motivation, but because they set goals that are too ambitious, too vague, or too punishing.
A useful question he suggests asking yourself is: ‘What is the smallest version of this change that I can realistically replicate?’
He advises, “If one wants to become more fit through football, it is not necessary to join a competitive team at the first stage.” “This could involve having a kickabout once a week, doing a short drill in the garden, or taking part in a casual five-a-side session.
“The purpose is to create early experiences of success. Psychologically, this is important because success creates belief in oneself. If a goal is too big, you immediately feel like you have failed, and failure is often avoided.”
Warmeyer says that while change requires structure, it also requires compassion. Lasting lifestyle changes are generally made through repetition rather than intensity. Small actions repeated again and again become habits and those habits gradually shape us.
A sense of community and belonging can have an enormously positive impact on our health. Friendships, social connections, and simply feeling that you are not alone are all known to support mental well-being. The same is true when it comes to being physically active, and many people can learn a lot from the sense of belonging and community they get through football.
“Humans are relational creatures,” says Wahrmeyer. “We are much more likely to stick with something when we feel connected to others and feel a sense of belonging.
“Football provides not only movement, but also belonging, shared effort, humor, rivalry, encouragement and accountability. We become an integral part of a tribe.”
He explains that exercising alone can be helpful, but it can also leave you trapped with your inner critic. Being part of a group or team shifts the focus away from oneself and toward simply participating and connecting with others.
“You’re no longer just someone trying to improve your fitness – you’re part of something bigger beyond yourself,” explains Wehrmeyer.
“This is psychologically powerful because belonging reduces embarrassment. People often think they need to fit in before they can join in. In fact, joining in may be part of how they become fit.”
When taking that first leap from watching other people exercise to actually doing it yourself, Wahrmeyer ends with some practical advice to help you get started on your fitness journey.
“Identity changes through action, not just thinking,” he says. “A person doesn’t need to wait until they ‘feel athletic’ before they start. They start, and over time, their sense of self begins to change.
“The key thing is to avoid all-or-nothing thinking. One does not have to be a serious footballer to move from being a spectator to a participant. Buying a ball, doing some practice, joining a casual session, or playing with friends begins to change the story a person tells about themselves.”
Wahrmeyer explains that every time someone chooses movement instead of inaction, they give themselves a new piece of evidence. They may be people who walk. Maybe they can play. Maybe, after all, it is something they are capable of and enjoy.
“We are embodied beings,” he said. “How we live in our bodies has a direct impact on our sense of self.”
Simple ways to increase confidence in exercise
Warhmeyer says a powerful psychological tool to help kickstart you toward making fitness feel like a lifelong sport is asking yourself the question: “What’s the next playable step?”
He explains that this helps people avoid setting overly ambitious goals and the feeling of disappointment that comes with failure. Instead, it focuses on something immediate, actionable, and within reach.
Warhmeyer advises that the next “playable” step could be as simple as getting your trainers on, taking a walk to the park, and – if you want to stick with the football theme – kicking a ball for ten minutes, joining a beginners’ session, or asking a friend to play. The key is to keep it small enough to really get started, but meaningful enough to make a difference.
“Fear diminishes when we perform tasks in manageable amounts,” he concluded. “Fitness becomes sustainable when it stops being a punishment and starts building relationships with your body, with other people, and with the sport.
“The aim is not to force yourself into a lifelong fitness regime. The aim is to find a form of movement that feels so alive that you want to return to it.”
